Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness

Written By Rachael McGauley

How to Support Parents Through Grief

Every October, families and communities around the world pause to recognize Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. On October 15th, thousands of people light candles during the Wave of Light in remembrance of babies gone too soon.

It’s a month, and a day, dedicated to honoring families who carry the weight of unimaginable loss, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.

For many parents, the grief of losing a baby is isolating. Friends and family want to help, but they may not know how. This post is for anyone wondering how to show up with love and compassion for grieving parents, and for families who need to know they aren’t alone.

Understanding the Grief of Baby Loss

Grief after pregnancy or infant loss is not just about losing a future imagined. It’s also about losing hopes, milestones, and the identity of parenthood in the way it was expected.

Parents may experience:

  • Deep sadness, shock, or anger.

  • Physical symptoms such as fatigue, aches, or disrupted sleep.

  • Isolation due to lack of understanding from others.

  • Conflicting emotions, like guilt or relief, especially if the pregnancy was complicated.

It’s important to remember: every parent grieves differently. There is no “right” timeline, no single way grief should look.

What NOT to Say After Loss

Often, well-meaning words can unintentionally cause harm. If you’re supporting a grieving parent, avoid phrases like:

  • “At least you know you can get pregnant.”

  • “Everything happens for a reason.”

  • “It wasn’t meant to be.”

  • “You’ll have another baby.”

  • “At least it happened early.”

These words minimize the depth of loss and grief.

What TO Say (and Do) Instead

Simple, heartfelt words go a long way:

  • “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  • “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”

  • “Your baby mattered.”

  • “Can I bring you a meal or help with errands?”

Actions can also be deeply supportive:

  • Dropping off food, groceries, or coffee.

  • Sending a card or small remembrance item (like a candle or jewelry).

  • Remembering anniversaries or due dates, and checking in.

  • Offering to help with household tasks so grieving parents can focus on healing.

The Role of Doulas After Loss

Postpartum doulas don’t just support families after a live birth. We’re trained to walk alongside parents who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, offering both practical and emotional care.

That might include:

  • Being a calm, nonjudgmental presence in the home.

  • Helping with older siblings so grieving parents can rest.

  • Providing resources and referrals to grief counselors or support groups.

  • Honoring the baby through rituals or remembrance activities, if parents desire.

  • Simply listening without rushing the healing process.

Sometimes, the most powerful gift is just showing up.

The Wave of Light – October 15

On October 15th at 7pm local time, families across the globe light candles for an hour to honor babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. This creates a continuous Wave of Light that circles the world.

Participating can be healing. Whether you’ve experienced loss yourself, or you want to stand in solidarity with others.

Resources for Parents and Families

Pregnancy and infant loss are heartbreakingly common.

Yet too often, parents suffer in silence.
This month is a reminder that their babies mattered, their grief is valid, and their stories deserve to be heard.

If you are grieving, please know that you don’t have to walk this path alone.
And if you’re supporting someone who is, remember: small acts of kindness and presence can mean more than you’ll ever know.

💡 At Sun & Stars Birth Services, we honor all families. Including those who carry loss in their hearts.
If you’d like compassionate support after loss, reach out today.
We’re here to listen, walk with you, and hold space for your healing.

Rachael McGauley
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Setting Your Baby Up for a Healthy Start